hmmm... here i am to blog again le... haha... reaslise tt i nowadays really cant blog le... cos the stupid camp internet bar blogspot... so i cant blog in camp... haiz.... ok lah... for this week... nth much goin on also... sunday do guard... a rather relax wan... cos tt day got rain... haha.... so we juz stay in the guard house and sleep all the way... then at nite... i was so touched man.... for the 1st time.... somebody buy food for mi to eat and send it to my camp's main gate somemore... haha.... but there's not onli my food lah... it also have Jun Liang's share... and here i would really like to thankz tt person... thankz u Pei Ling... ^^ thou tt day alot of ppl say i mei you liang xin... but really... i appreciate it alot for sending the food over.... ^^ and also my VITASOY! haha.... k i noe i'm crazy... after tt guard.. i got nth much on... except on weekdays nite off.. did went to town area... went to orchard... then from orchard walk all the way down to esplanade... and took 2 pic over there... can check out my photo album.. it's taken with my hp de wor... haha.... (hao lian) then also did went to hard rock cafe tt building there to play pool with Jun Liang and Kennerd... but i didnt really play lah... cos 1stly i dunno how to play... and somemore PL is with us... gals will get damn bored with such activities de... and plus she also not feeling well... then i tink really nth to write liaoz.. this coming week most prob i wont blog... cos i will be serving confinement in camp.. haiz... sian... on the 3rd nov... i gonna attend my sec sch classmate's son 1 mth anniversary... cant wait to see the baby and play with him sia... haha... muz be a damn cute baby... ^^ after tt on the 9th i'm flying off le.... anybody here will miss mi?? haha.... i will there is....
hmmm.... got 1 whole week nv blog le... how time flies... juz liek tt 1 week is gone le... for the past 1 week i've been attending course at sungei gedong camp... we're having a driving course... it's the BV206... it's not any ordinary vehicle... it's a track vehicle.. which can travel very well in terrain... not bad la the course... thou it's tiring... shall not touch on wat i did there lah... mainly sleep and tok cock... drive alittle bit onli... cos it's too easy... haha... then on thurs is the test... and well... all of us so far has pass already... left 1 section not done onli.. then we can get our lic liaoz... haha...
haiz.... it's firday again... 4 days nv blog le... i didnt even blog on my b'day... haha... cos my camp cannot access to blogger lah... then at nite by the time i reachh ome... my dad has already happily keep the modem le... so i still cannot blog... ok lah... this yr's b'day once again is burnt in camp again... -.-" sian rite? bo bian... got to work... last yr burnt at Pasir Lebar Camp due to Wargame Ex... this yr is becos got lots of stuff to do... but at nite i did book out lah... book out meet up with a few of my frens... they bought mi a small piece of Black Forest cake for mi... thankz guys... then we sat at the Kopi Roti of westmall and chat till 10+ like tt... haha... then went back home and chat on the phone with PL... thankz for ya b'day greeting... ^^ and lots of my other frens did sms mi too... really feel so shock to actually receive so many sms from u guys... really thankz alot... thou all of them cannot celebrate with mi... i'm glad tt all of them rememebered my b'day... thankz alot... ^^ this yr's b'day is abit diff than usual lah... cos it's a really very quiet wan... next yr i hope i can hold a party of my own... then all u guys muz come... ok? haha... hmmm tml need to help ppl fix laptop... dunno can fix anot... muz see wat is the lappy's problem liaoz... later maybe gonna go out with my captain... today is his b'day... he wanna drag mi out.... hmmm wondering where will we be goin.... :\
*YaWnZz* juz wake up sia... actually dun intend to sleep de... but every1 in the house is sleeping... my bro is sleeping in our room... den my sis and her bf is sleeping in their own room also... then i was the onli 1 in the living room... and got nth to do also... so might as well go to bed... haha... cos nth to do mah... and somemore no ppl will find mi de... tried looking for my buddies to tok today... but Matthew's hp not on... and he's not at home... then as for QW... he's in camp now... so no point calling him... haiz... really wanted so much to arrange 1 day for the 3 of us to meet up and have fun together... but it seems to be so hard... even if we meet up.... i still wonder... will we be able to get the kind of feeling we once had together? if we cant find back tt feeling... den how? but for mi all i wan is the find back the warmth and sense of belonging which we once had together... now i feel stuck... basket... stupid blogger lah... juz now i wan to blog but close for maintainance... den now can blog le... but all the stuff in my head gone liaoz... basket... guess i'm juz too bo liao huh... blog and blog and blog again... then get stuck in this entry again and again... oh ya... today i had this feeling.... everyone suddenly seems to weight alot in my life... i cannot afford to lose a single one of them.... not even one... guess i'm really emotionally very weak... i really need some1 who i can lean on... to share all my trouble and happiness... but too bad... i dun have tt mrs right... haha... a loner life... if i have a chance to tok to god... i'll ask him... am i born to be a loner...if he say "no" then i'll ask him... then y is my life so shit? did u planned it? but if he say "yes" then i ask him to pls release mi from this kind of suffering... and take mi back... cos i hate this feeling... everyday the onli feeling i have inside my heart is really sour and bitter... there's no sweetness or warmth... sooner or later all these can really made mi into a really cold person.... suddenly i feel tt i noe no warmth... except for all the cruel and cold feeling this world can give.... really envy those who are living in their own world of sweetness... i nv had such feeling... how does it feel? it muz be real gd... and u wont feel the coldness outside at all.... guess tt's the so called power of love ba... haha... frankly i really dunno how it feels... i tried to feel how is it like... it feels so familiar and yet so unfamiliar... y is it so? haiz... wah seh.... 1st time blog for whole 30mins sia... and yet so little is done... this wed is my b'day le... a day which is not worth to celebrate at all... cos it's the day my mum suffered great pain... and more pain after giving birth to mi... i'm such a let down... i've nv got gd result in my whole study life b4... and still give her lots of problem outside... fight with other ppl outside... tell lots of lies juz to get arnd with my mistakes... i'm so bad to the extend tt both my parents dun even believe mi anymore... wat i say... they'll always suspect whether i'm lying anot... so even if they dun believe mi i also dun really mind... cos i brought it upon myself... dunno wat's wrong with mi sia... i feel like i'm so depress again... haiz... got ppl ask mi to get a counsellor... but i can tell u... no use de... i still scare later the counsellor will go and commit suicide later... haha... k lah... guess this entry wont get to anywhere de... if i'm really not a loner... i hope tt someone will be there soon... or rather... tt someone who i need will be mine soon... haiz.... nobody will understand wat is deep down inside my heart... am i tt so deep to u ppl??
hmmm.... wat a morning... haha... today is monday... ppl should be working... but here i am blogging away... cos i'm on half day leave today.... i used my leave instead of my off... for wat sia? it's for the chalet yesterday lah... by rite today nobody can off de... cos of the CO parade... *CO= Commanding Officer* so in order to get out i have to use leave... cos nobody can stop u from taking leave... so guys... use ur leave wisely... it will come in handy in times de... haha... well... this morning wake up didnt really feel well... but i'm gonna keep quiet abt it... let ppl noe for wat? haha... this morning had bread for breakfast... it's damn dry man... eat until wan to die... after tt went out to make phone call... wanna find some1 to tok to also cant sia... ppl are either sleeping, working, studying or nv on phone... haiz... but nvm lah... used to it liao... it's always at such times i cannot find a single soul de... hmmm really wonder where all of them go... do they have 6th sense knowing tt i gonna find them then they'll make themselves damn bz? or izzit i'm juz too free... haiya... dunno lah... juz fuck it lah... muz really learn to adopt the fuck it attitude liaoz... take everything so hard is nv gd for mi... last nite i still toking abt myself been too gd always think for others onli.... haha... tink i also tink too far liao hor... even tink to the part where my future family life... haha... gf also dun have... still tink so far... siao ehh lehz... ppl used to tell mi tt gals like guys who noe how to plan for their future... hey... it's BULLSHIT man! who gives a damn? haha... dun be stupid lah guys... this way nv work out de... plan and plan and plan for wat?? plan too much will kill alot of brain cells... then end up dying at young age like mi... better dun hor... can play juz play arnd lah... nowadays is diff from the past liao lor... who cares abt ur planning... ppl now onli noe how to see wat u have and wat u possess onli... u tell ppl ur plan... they will onli go... "ohh..." "wah..." after tt nobody will care... so trust mi... dun plan... juz play along with watever u have... cos nothing lives forever man... it's true and i believe... for example huh... this Mr A pass away laioz... ppl cry for him like no tml.... finally he's been buried... for the 1st few yrs... ppl who will still moan over his death will be like onli 20%? everyyear on his death anniversary ppl will go and pay their respect... another few yrs pass... how many ppl will still pay their respect for him? maybe 10%? then again... a few yrs pass... u will see tt nobody will even pay their respect to him... his forgotten.... then look at his tomb... filled with wild grasses growing on it... end up who is the wan clearing those grasses for him? those ah neh working there lor... how sad it is rite? so it's really no use tinking so much... cos 1 day... u and mi will all be forgotten... who the hell will wan to remember u?? siao... waste of brain memory ar... haha... k lah... seems like my blog is kinda weird huh... but guys... pls scroll down from my tagboard there... and u'll understand y... cos tt's my blogging characteristic... sian... i always feel so left out... Qiwei... Matthew... where are u guys... i really need u guys... i feel down and broken... 1st time blog till i feel like crying... i need u guys alot... btw we're not gays... we're juz very gd buddies for yrs... i miss our days together having fun and doing all the cock things together... pls come back to mi... i can take it no more.... i feel so damn condemn... onli u guys nv failed to give mi the warmth i needed the most... but too bad u guys nv read m blog... if u guys do... pls respond to my call... *broken*
YaWnZz.... juz wake up.... wat a tiring day today is... morning got back from yishun... meet up with PL and came back home... get change and pack my bag... and set off to jurong sports complex with PL and my bro... had a day of fun over there.... met CK Yap over there... he gave mi some sun tanning lotion... then went over there for a gd sun tanning session... and we swim down there till 4+ and all got up to change... today i really wonder... lifeguard.... wat is the duty of a lifeguard? watch after the pool user's safety.... correct? but does tt include stuff like getting contact no of the user? hmmm feel like complaining... kns... so old laio still wanna go arnd and get ppl's contact.... Pui! haha.... not say i wat lah... juz tt i noe liao feel very bu shuang onli lah... after swimming send PL to mrt station as she wanna go down to amk... after tt i walk down to batok east to meet up with Dai Ming to collect some stuff from him... after tt met up with CK Yap again at westmall with other 2 guys from my ex sec sch... at arnd 7.20 CK left to go to his gf house.... heard tt his gf making noise liaoz.. so he muz guai guai go to her house... haha... reach home at arnd 7:40.. had chicken rice for dinner... after dinner not long... i juz KOed myself on my bed... feel damn exhausted... and somemore my left small thigh hurts man... today play with my bro in the pool till i kinda strain my small thigh muscle... haha... then now wake up le... dunno wat to do later.... tink i gonna go back sleep again.... *YaWnZz* monday still got guard lehz... haiz.... x_x