*YaWnZz* juz wake up sia... actually dun intend to sleep de... but every1 in the house is sleeping... my bro is sleeping in our room... den my sis and her bf is sleeping in their own room also... then i was the onli 1 in the living room... and got nth to do also... so might as well go to bed... haha... cos nth to do mah... and somemore no ppl will find mi de... tried looking for my buddies to tok today... but Matthew's hp not on... and he's not at home... then as for QW... he's in camp now... so no point calling him... haiz... really wanted so much to arrange 1 day for the 3 of us to meet up and have fun together... but it seems to be so hard... even if we meet up.... i still wonder... will we be able to get the kind of feeling we once had together? if we cant find back tt feeling... den how? but for mi all i wan is the find back the warmth and sense of belonging which we once had together... now i feel stuck... basket... stupid blogger lah... juz now i wan to blog but close for maintainance... den now can blog le... but all the stuff in my head gone liaoz... basket... guess i'm juz too bo liao huh... blog and blog and blog again... then get stuck in this entry again and again... oh ya... today i had this feeling.... everyone suddenly seems to weight alot in my life... i cannot afford to lose a single one of them.... not even one... guess i'm really emotionally very weak... i really need some1 who i can lean on... to share all my trouble and happiness... but too bad... i dun have tt mrs right... haha... a loner life... if i have a chance to tok to god... i'll ask him... am i born to be a loner...if he say "no" then i'll ask him... then y is my life so shit? did u planned it? but if he say "yes" then i ask him to pls release mi from this kind of suffering... and take mi back... cos i hate this feeling... everyday the onli feeling i have inside my heart is really sour and bitter... there's no sweetness or warmth... sooner or later all these can really made mi into a really cold person.... suddenly i feel tt i noe no warmth... except for all the cruel and cold feeling this world can give.... really envy those who are living in their own world of sweetness... i nv had such feeling... how does it feel? it muz be real gd... and u wont feel the coldness outside at all.... guess tt's the so called power of love ba... haha... frankly i really dunno how it feels... i tried to feel how is it like... it feels so familiar and yet so unfamiliar... y is it so? haiz... wah seh.... 1st time blog for whole 30mins sia... and yet so little is done... this wed is my b'day le... a day which is not worth to celebrate at all... cos it's the day my mum suffered great pain... and more pain after giving birth to mi... i'm such a let down... i've nv got gd result in my whole study life b4... and still give her lots of problem outside... fight with other ppl outside... tell lots of lies juz to get arnd with my mistakes... i'm so bad to the extend tt both my parents dun even believe mi anymore... wat i say... they'll always suspect whether i'm lying anot... so even if they dun believe mi i also dun really mind... cos i brought it upon myself... dunno wat's wrong with mi sia... i feel like i'm so depress again... haiz... got ppl ask mi to get a counsellor... but i can tell u... no use de... i still scare later the counsellor will go and commit suicide later... haha... k lah... guess this entry wont get to anywhere de... if i'm really not a loner... i hope tt someone will be there soon... or rather... tt someone who i need will be mine soon... haiz.... nobody will understand wat is deep down inside my heart... am i tt so deep to u ppl??