LOL! im currently inside my office. out of nowhere suddenly got the feel that i wanna read back my post on my blog. yes looking at how things have changed from then to now. things i've rant and complain abt. i know this is a dead blog already anyway. but oh well.... at least i still have a place to kpkb on my own. looking back at my past. yes. i totally agreed how childish i was 10 years ago. how i complain abt my army life. funny shits that i did in the past. frens that i've lost during these time when i used to call them as bro. i have so much regrets in my life. i regret losing all my frens. regret all the shit i have done. and i know very well how impossible it is to bring everything back in place again. i dun ask for a 2nd chance. becos its kinda dumb rite? becos even if u ask for a 2nd chance. it will nv come. so y give urself more un-needed disappointment? but i sincerely learnt all my mistake and shits that i should not have even done. i have to start up all fresh again. with zero. its nv possible to met great frens and great times i used to have anymore. right now i have nth. but purely regrets all inside me. even thou i noe nobod will read this. but deep in my heart.... i hope u guys can forgive me. im sorry. =(
hmmm.. its been really like years since last post... well... years had past. things have changed. ppl have changed... as for mi... yes i've changed too... i've fucked up my life. im staying alone outside at a rented room outside. a 100% singaporean. living a life like a foreigner. every mth have to cut cpf and pay rental for room. as for wat has happened. i've no wish to talk abt it. all i can say... i regret all the shit that i've done. i know its too late to even change a single thing now. i affected so many ppls life. esp my very own family. im truly sorry. but i dont have to courage to even go up to them and say sorry. i noe my sorry doesnt even mean a thing to them neither can it change a single thing. all i can do now is pick myself up again. re-live my life. its not a simple path. but i have to walk thru it. i have so much shit to clear juz becos of my own selfishness and greed.seriously post up to here kinda jam alr. its so messy up in my head suddenly. i wish all the ppl that i've let down will have a much more peaceful and enjoyable life. i dont noe when we will see each other again or will we even see each other again. i do miss all of u. but i juz cant let things go back to the way it is... tears are flooding my fuck up small eyes now... think i better stop... haiz...
hmmmm..... testing.... testing... well... i'm back to this blog again... how time flies... i got almost 1 yr nv post liaoz... after long time of thinking... i tink i still wanna come back here to pour watever i have inside mi... at least here no need find any1 to tok to.... juz type and post tt's all... not as if any1 will see it.. lolx... so tired.... maybe tml den start blogging.. today juz type for fun.... guess i can have really long entry ba.... i have so much so much inside mi.... sighzzzz.....
juz back home.... suffering from severe headache... i feel hurt... shattered and broken.... y is this happening? watever she wan.. i try my best to give.. even thou i really dun wish to do it... but all for her... end up wat happen? take mi as a fool and cheat mi... flirt behind mi... and push the blame to my fren say he is the 1 who flirt her.... i really dun understand... y say u love mi when u already dun... am i really tt so stupid and nice to be cheat? once again i am cheated by gal... y i always get cheated and ditch by gal de?! WTF?! this is pushing mi to my limit... i really cant control myself anymore le... i really goin insane becos of all this man... this really is pushing to the wall liaoz... i dunno when i will explode myself~ this is driving mi nuts... dun tink i will meet anybody for the time being... i feel so chui already.... so goddamn ta ma de chui~! u made mi hate u.... i'm juz another guy to be flirt by u.... and yet i believe so much in u~ FUCK~!
hmmm... really very long no blog... also dunno who will come see.. haha... well... also not blog for ppl to see... i onli blog when i feel so fan so fan den i blog.. come here to vent out all my unhappiness... dunno wat have i been doin... feeling shiit... damn shiit... things are not goin smooth... lots and lots of problem... suddenly i really feel damn lonely... 1st siihuii i cant contact her anymore.. cos her bf is back... glad tt they are ok laioz... 2nd. zry cant tok as much as she used to do... cos of her bill.. tt wan i understand... 3rd. thou now i got a gf... but somehow i feel..... empty... maybe cos she tends to slp till very late and end up form morning till noon i always nth to do... and plus she is so far away from mi.. i wan to find her also hard... onli way of communication is sms.. call.. msn.. or audi... and she needs more attention but i understand y lah.. i'm trying my very best to give her all the attention i wan... but somehow it dun seem to be enuff to her... and she feels tt i dun love her... but she dunno how hard i am trying... i can even argue with my brother zry becos of her... i really dunno.. seriously... on the surface i tink i look happy... but deep down inside mi... i feel dark and empty... it's all damn messy inside... she dunno wat she wan.. her confusion confuse mi as well.... maybe i'm juz not gd enuff... but i am willing to try.. i can dun mind at all with all her past... i juz wan to be able to give wat i can... haiz... i am really trying very hard... but who can see? nobody... wat happen last nite really shattered my heart... it's not easy to place everything back together... i feel so badly stabbed... haiz... FAN AR!!!!!! si liao bu shi hao lor........... haiz........... take mi away pls...... b4 i go crazy myself......
juz back home... from a nite of tonning... didnt wan to go home.. so decided to ton.... SH dun wan mi to ton de... and she also nv plan to go speedy de... but due to wat happen to mi and some1 in the family... she decided to come down... i'm really gateful to her and Meow for tt.. thankz~ but as they dunno abt my blog so i dun tink they will see this... spend the nite at speedy play audi.. knn.. my fucking cb hand damn pain... but well.. tt pain is nth compared to the pain tt i am feeling deep inside mi... i noe this is the worse! cos i nv felt this way b4... i hate him... i hate everything he do... watever i have done is rubbish in his eyes... to him i'm juz a worthless piece of shit or rather bacteria living in his house... after speedy... mi, SH, rain, chuan and meow... we went to Mustafa to shop... do lots of crazy stuff there... pics will be uploaded below... den chuan complain say hungry.. knn... keep on kpkb say hungry... den say wan to eat prata... and we actually walked from mustafa all the way till boon keng~ end up eat mac.... ccb... tot eat prata still ok.. cheap mah... mac so ex... but chuan help mi paid some lah... thx huh bro~ den sit there tok cock sing song till 7:05 den we went our own seperate way home... b4 tt at 6+ meow already left with SH... SH looks really tired... tink now she is slping like pig... lolx... reach home at aro 8:15a.m received a sms from kudkud... thankz for her concern... as well as Jezzie who is worried for mi... dun worry... i am fine... *at least i tink i am* came home... tt fucker remove the damn modem power cable.... i noe where it is.. so here i am using the net again... later gonna pass to my bro to use... so sian... gonna slp soon... at least when he ocme back i wont hear any of his dog bark~! si bei kp... ok.. shall upload the pic here... ^^
\
haiz.... wat can i blog sia... i also dunno wat to blog liao lah... like nth much to blog also lor.. .these few days always camp myself up in speedy lan shop... ya.. ppl tink i am siao... got net at home y i dun wan to use? not i dun wan to use... well... its cos some1 somebody in my house purposely dun let mi use it lah... stupid rite? alway say will keep the power cable at nite when he go to slp.. but actually its all fake lor... he didnt keep it... he let my bro and sis use til mid nite... den they keep it.... somehow or rather... i got the feeling where he keep it... 1st it was in the storeroom the cupboard for 2 days... den ytd he change the location... i cant find it... but so funny.. juz onli.. i go this feeling tt the cable is somewhere in the living rm... and i juz walk to this stand tt is place at the corner of our living rm... i open the drawer... and to my surprise... it's inside! so zhun sia... how come will so zhun? nv had something tt zhun in my life lah.... maybe a dying man is more zhun ba.. let him happy abit b4 he die... haha... the feeling of my tt awful dream is getting so strong day by day.... will it really happen? i wont purposely avoid it... if its mean to happen.. it will happen... die also gd lah... i'm so sick and tired~ haiz~ pls end all these... sighz~